This newsletter is a good example for me, but I bet you have examples in your own life you haven’t questioned. I didn’t consciously decide to stop writing the newsletter over the last couple of months - it’s still been a recurring task in my calendar.
If you’ve ever found yourself drifting away from something important to you, without understanding why, you’ll know what I mean.
What actually happened is less dramatic, but more unsettling. Each week, when it was time to write, I just… couldn’t. Not wouldn’t - couldn’t. Maybe you’ve felt that too: sitting down to do something you care about, and finding there’s nothing left in the tank. I couldn’t muster the focus, or the care, to write something worthy of your time.
And the thing underneath that; the thing I've been sitting with is that I didn't choose to stop. My body did.
Some part of me had been running on a program that said: show up, keep going, don’t let anyone down. Maybe you know that program too?
I’d been operating this way for so long that I couldn’t feel the difference between "I’m choosing this" and "I’m compelled to do this." It was all just… doing. Automatic. Background noise. That became my identity.
That’s the layer I’ve been peeling back. Not just "how do I rest more," but how much of what we call our identity or persona is actually just conditioning we picked up so long ago, we forgot it was ever optional?
And I don't think this is just my thing. I think it might be yours too?
Because here's what I keep coming back to: most of us don't clock this in ourselves, at least not at first. We don't sit down one day and go "ah, that's a subconscious pattern." We just live inside it.
We call it
- Being disciplined.
- Being reliable.
- Being the one who holds it together.
It feels like who we are, not something we absorbed somewhere along the way and never once questioned.
So, let me ask you the questions I’ve been asking myself, because awareness is the first step to change.
- Where did you learn that rest has to be earned?
- That if you're not needed, you're not valuable?
- That slowing down means something's going to fall apart, and it'll be your fault when it does?
You didn't choose most of that.
Someone - a parent, a boss, a culture, or an old version of you who got praised for coping - planted it a long time ago. And it's probably been quietly running your business, your body and your life for a lot longer than you realise.
Spotting these patterns is the start of loosening their grip, before they lead to burnout.
🧠 THINK (mindset shift)
Most of what I do isn't a conscious choice. It's an old should, running on autopilot. What if I paused long enough to catch it before it ran the show?
💡 DO (practical action)
This week, when you catch yourself pushing through or feeling drained, stop and ask: "Am I choosing this, or is this a should on autopilot?" Write down one example. Notice what's underneath it.
🚀 HAVE (expected results)
You start spotting the pattern before it runs you into the ground. That's where the choice comes back.
💛 Sandra
